In this episode of An Evolving Man podcast (AEM) we hear from one of the US's leading paediatrician's Dr Claudia M Gold. Here she speaks about attachment theory, the power of discord – the importance of having ups and downs in relationships and how that links in to childhood trauma and especially boarding school syndrome.

Some of the areas we talk about are containment, the power of being heard, rupture and mismatch and uncertainty as they relate to relationships. We also talk about Prince Harry and how his experiences of boarding school and the death of his mother Princess Diana.

---

Claudia M. Gold, MD is a pediatrician and writer who practiced general and behavioral pediatrics for over 20 years and now specializes in early childhood mental health.

She is on the faculty of the U-Mass Chan Medical School Early Relational Fellowship, the Brazelton Institute at Boston Children’s Hospital, and the Berkshire Psychoanalytic Institute.

She is a clinician with Volunteers in Medicine, Berkshires and director of the Hello It’s Me Project, a community-based program supporting parent-infant relationships in high-need low resourced communities.

Dr. Gold speaks frequently to a variety of audiences including parents and professionals. Her most recent book, The Power of Discord: Why the Ups and downs of Relationships are the Secret to Building Intimacy, Resilience and Trust co-authored with Ed Tronick, was released in June 2020. Her other books include The Developmental Science of Early Childhood (2017), The Silenced Child (2016), and Keeping Your Child in Mind (2011) She writes regularly for her blog

Child in Mind.

Some of the questions/ areas for conversation:

1. I would love you to share some of your journey. How did you arrive at where you are now?
2. I would love to hear you speak about the power of being heard & feeling heard.
3. Could you explain what containment is – Winnicott, etc?
4. I would be really interested in hearing you speak about the power of very early interactions. One of the discussions going on in the boarding school literature over here is whether the ‘attachment break’ that has been seen as occurring at the point at which a child is ‘sent away’ to boarding school (at 6 or 7 or 8 or 11 years old) is the key ‘break’ – or whether we should be looking earlier. If you are a child born into a family that ‘belongs’ to a culture/class that EXPECTS to send you away (and which may well hire a nanny for your early care), what are the impacts of being born into such a parenting culture/class? How does this change the way they expect (and do) interact with you? What happens when you layer a schooling ‘attachment break’ on top of that, as opposed to the ‘break’ coming as a scholarship or other unexpected ‘opportunity’? 
5. Boarding School experiences are full of unrepaired ruptures and mismatch. I would love to hear you speak about the impact of those.
6. Leading on from question 4, I would love you to speak to what age it is appropriate for a child to be separated from their parents. And is there a healthy way of doing this? What are the impacts on an adult who has been through this rupture? Are there certain symptoms?
7. Discord P.31 – What happens if there is discord in a relationship but it is never healed? E.g. a child is sent away to board and never has a chance to speak up or heal the rupture?
8. Certainty P.226 – I love what you say about certainty and how it “leads us away from growth and healing.” I know in Buddhism that uncertainty, (annicca – impermance) is a key teaching. Could you speak a little about the power of uncertainty in relationships.
9. If we have been through a rupture like boarding school how do we start to heal this?
10. How do people find out more about you and the work you do?

To find out more about Claudia M Gold, please visit her website here: https://www.claudiamgoldmd.com/

To buy her books please visit: https://www.claudiamgoldmd.com#

#childrensmentalhealth#attachmentparenting#attachment#attachmenttheory#boardingschool

---

An Evolving Man (AEM) Podcast is for men (and women) who want to grow, evolve and want support in learning how to do this.

On a regular basis there will be an interview around men's (and women's) topics ranging from self-development, relationships, spirituality, archetypes, trauma, boarding school syndrome and men's work featuring authors and leaders in this field.

The sense with these interviews is to support people during these times of change. What are the teachings, tools and practices that you can use to help you through these turbulent times?