My Father & I - Healing The Father Wound
My Father & I - Healing The Father Wound
The 22nd June 2020 was the 20th anniversary of my father's death.
The truth is that I have a lot of love for my father now.
But that wasn't the case when he was alive.
Indeed, it was just over 20 years ago that I knew that he had a couple of days to live. He had had cancer for 6 months and we knew that he didn't have long left.
I felt that I needed to speak to him.
I knew that this might be the last chance I could speak to him.
So I went to his bedside and said that I wanted to speak.
He propped himself up and he listened.
It wasn't easy to speak what it was that I wanted to say.
I felt a lot of fear.
“Dad, I feel like you've hated me all my life.”
At this my father burst into tears and said, “That's not true. I do love you.”
He went on, “My whole life's been a lie.” “My whole life has been an act.”
And he started to tell me how happy he was in his current life with his new wife and the land that they had bought and were now converting into amazing gardens.
He went on to say that if only he had quit his job sooner and spent more time here.
You see, my father was ex-boarding school, just like me.
And he only realised what he loved and what was important to him when it was too late.
My father died a few days later.
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In the years following his death I felt such hatred towards him.
It had felt like I had never been good enough in his eyes.
He never praised me and he rarely hugged me.
I realised that I had left for boarding school at age 11 because I wanted to get away from him.
I couldn't handle him. His rage. His violence.
But as the years went by I started to heal the wound inside of me.
I went to psychics and my father was there – I didn't want him to be and told him to go away!
I did shamanic ceremonies and spoke to him and found healing and peace.
I went back to visit the memories of him through EFT and Matrix Reimprinting so that I could let go of the rage that I carried.
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And today I now hold an image of him as a Golden King who praises me by saying, “You are enough, Piers.”
And I feel his love in my heart. Over time I have learned to heal the father wound inside myself.
So partly I am posting this because I often read posts on Facebook from people saying how wonderful their deceased parents were. And for those of us who didn't have this relationship it can feel quite intimidating.
That there's something wrong with us.
But there is nothing wrong with us.
We were blessed by our mothers and fathers, not because they were great but because they made us great through the challenges that they put us through.
They made us great through the lack of love, care and attention that they gave us.
We had to/ have to find it in our hearts instead.
We can do it.
If you didn't have the relationship with your parents that you wanted, then know that you are not alone.
But also please realise that you can change your relationship to them.
And heal those wounds so that you don't transfer them onto your children too.
Love and blessings to my amazing father – thank you for the challenges – they have helped me to grow beyond belief.
And love and blessings to you all, Piers xx
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An Evolving Man Podcast (AEM) #78 Marcus Gottlieb – Sexuality in Boarding Schools/ Working With Gay Boarding School Survivors
An Evolving Man Podcast (AEM) #77 Sarah Ockwell-Smith | “Because I Said So!” | Childism | Why Society Is Childist & How To Break The Cycle of Discrimination
An Evolving Man Podcast (AEM) #76 Pat Mills | Creator of Judge Dredd Talks About Catholic Church Sexual Abuse | IICSA | RLSS
An Evolving Man Podcast (AEM) #75 Nicky Moxey | Third Culture Kids| ACES| Adverse Childhood Experiences| Military Brats| Boarding School Syndrome for Women and Girls
An Evolving Man Podcast (AEM) #74 Childhood Neglect | Child Abuse | Attachment Theory | Boarding School | Professor David Howe
An Evolving Man Podcast (AEM) #73 Surviving Narcissism & Codependency: Richard Grannon's Life-Changing Advice
An Evolving Man Podcast #72 Trauma, Sex, Relationships, Shame, & Healing | Yuval Mann Sexual Teacher Talks About How We Recover From Sexual Shame
An Evolving Man Podcast #71 Mervin Canham – Childhood Trauma & Addictions Addictions Specialist Talks About Recovery and Men's Mental Health
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